flowers live and die
trees live and die
birds live and sing and die
bees live and sting and die
cats live, then live, then live, then live, then live, then live, then live, then live, then live, and die.
animals live and die
fish live and die
then they get fried
oh why do they have to die?
plants live and die
and people live and die.
Dear Miss Carmichel,
ReplyDeleteI was rolling on the floor with laughter when I read your line about cats. Oh man, this poem was SO bad it delighted me!
Ok, so for your key line to turning this bad poem good, I'd have to say the phrase I like best is "people live and die."
Good luck!
Sincerely,
Genevive
You know how there are some people at poetry night, where they get up and their so full of emotion so you think they're going to have this great poem that brings the audience to tears but then reads a poem that maybe their kid sister wrote? Well that's how this poem feels to me. I love the opening line because it reminds me of this Miranda Lambert song called "Dead Flowers" and I can see pontiental. But the rest is poop. But your a great writing so don't get discouraged!!!! keep putting out the good stuff.
ReplyDeletethis very bad poem about death is very worse than all other poems about death in this creative writing class or any other creative writing class combined
ReplyDeleteI say you get the anti-climax muffin
(note: these are both good things since that's what you were trying for so good job dangit!!)
This poem is hilarious! It's simple, but has some nice ideas. The whole "live and die" theme is really cool. It could use some work. I liked the lines about the birds and the lines about the bees and how well those lines completely rhymed each other. I would suggest trying a new rhyme scheme, you know, mix it up a little, that will add variety and interest to your poem.
ReplyDeleteI actually really liked this poem. It wasn't good, but it was funny and it made me laugh. Especially when Nelson read it in class. Also, it was interesting and it made sense. Like, what is the point of life if we all die anyways? For your next poem, I would suggest something like that.
ReplyDelete